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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Anticipating the apocalypse

With the spate of cannibalistic activities in the news recently I have been thinking about the upcoming zombie apocalypse and the possibilities of shooting people in the head who are displaying aberrant behavior. I really like the idea. In fact, this is something I've thought about many times.  The problem is that, I'm sure some people may view my behavior as aberrant and want to shoot me in the head. This is unacceptable.  So I intend to arm myself heavily and extend my personal space from about two feet to somewhere in the neighborhood of two hundred feet, depending on the number of people displaying said behavior and the severity of said behavior. For instance if I see someone just stumbling around aimlessly and this person is alone and doesn't pose an immediate threat, I will give them some leeway. I have seen people doing this for ages and haven't had a face-eating incident as of yet. Even a small group of them may get a pass unless they crowd me. Just being in the New Orleans French Quarter on any weekend you could see enough of this kind of behavior to warrant multiple shootings if you were jumpy. If, however, I witness someone in the act of eating someone's face and that person growls at me, that's going to be an automatic head-shot, no questions. The zombie's victim may not be shot right away but, rest assured, I will be watching them closely.

Yeah, somebody's about to get shot

Now, the subject of “bath salts”. Something so contrived, insidious and impossible to pronounce could have only come from some underground secret government lab. Here is what Wikipedia has to say about it.

Methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV) is a psychoactive drug with stimulant properties which acts as a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI). First developed in 1969, it remained an obscure stimulant until around 2004 when it was reportedly sold as a designer drug. It is also known as Cloud 9, MDPK, MTV, Magic, Maddie, Black Rob, Super Coke, PV and Peeve. Products labeled as "bath salts" containing MDPV are sold as recreational drugs in gas stations and convenience stores, similar to the marketing for Spice and K2 as incense.
Incidents of psychological and physical harm have been attributed to MDPV use.

“Incidents of psychological and physical harm have been attributed to MDPV use.” Indeed, we have seen a good bit of that lately. Considering that George Romero's masterpiece of prophecy, “Night of the Living Dead” was released the year before MDPV was developed (or introduced...hmm), is it really such a stretch to see that perhaps there is a connection? I think not. If you have ever watched any of the post-apocalyptic zombie-themed movies then you already know that it is always the government and big industry who are to blame for releasing some experimental chemical onto an unsuspecting world, causing postmortem homicidal activity. Having used these movies as my model, I am assuming that the government has joined forces with the pharmaceutical industry to create drugs that will emulate the zombie apocalypse to (1) perpetuate financial and political support for their ineffectual war on drugs, (2) expand their philosophy of letting the “great unwashed” kill themselves off by giving them the means and letting them run rampant (3) give them more excuses to use us for live target practice.

This kind of dumb shit will also get you shot

Surely, they are aware by now that we are no good when left to our own devices. We are like the cocaine monkeys they experimented on in the eighties. If given a choice to self-administer a chemical that makes us feel frigging great or to do something else, like eat or sleep or continue to have a pulse, we'll go for the chemical every time. Think about it. Why is it that every time we get pissed or depressed or upset, we reach for a bottle of whiskey, a carton of cigarettes and drugs instead of eating an apple or gobbling a mouthful of vitamins? It's because we want to feel good and we want to feel good quickly. Apples and vitamins don't make you feel good quickly and anyone who tells you different is probably on steroids. We need keepers. Keeping that in mind, it is easy to see how they can manipulate us and manufacture an apocalypse. Who'll be the survivors? Why, the people hunkered down in fortified bunkers with many guns and a lot of ammunition who are willing to eat spam and pork and beans for years at a time. Well...them and the government, of course. They have a fucking army.

Not this army